1.) FINALLY regaining my focus on getting the submission material together for my graphic novel epic, The Apocalypse Meme, which has been on hold for a disgusting period of time due in equal parts to ennui and self-doubt. But you know… the (admittedly slim-to-none) chance of a publisher actually liking it is too idyllic to miss out of base cowardice, so I’m just sucking it up and going for it. We’ll see what happens. Cross your fingers for me?? Gah, pleeeeaaaaase– I’m terrified.

2.) I’m also working on a legit book on memetics, which I’m also not qualified for exactly, but fuck it– I’m pretty confident that I have the answers that all these multiple PhDs are arguing in circles around, so I’m unleashing my ego on the academic community. Take THAT, respected philosophers and socio-biologists- punks can have annotated bibliographies too!

3.) I’m (back) in school for web design and multimedia, which is really fun and (as a pleasant surprise) it turns out I’ve got something of a natural talent for this sort of shit– I entered the program because I desperately need a marketable skill, as my inevitable fame is taking its sweet time kicking in (haha) but I’d never expected to like it so much or be actually good at it… So far it’s been an unexpected blast, and has inspired ideas for projects I’d never considered before.

For example, I’m working on this crazy concept that sort of reimagines the “blog”. I love blogs and webcomics, but have also been frustrated that neither has ever really attempted to depart from the book format. If the set-up is simple, page 1 to page 2 arrow navigation, I’d honestly rather be holding a physical volume. I guess I’m against the Kindle movement… if it’s still basically a book, my eyes would rather look at a page than a screen. I love books, and the ebook has always seemed uninspired to me, like a sterilized version stripped of all romance.

BUT, with the capabilities of technology today, viewing media on the internet could be a whole new exciting thing, more than just a free way to read. And I have a bitchin idea of how it should go. I’ve still got a lot to learn before I can put my prototype into action (like Flash, Javascript, and Director) but I know enough already to picture how I want this to work. I’m so stoked, and will post more on the subject soon… For now, I’m going to keep it mysterious and just share a link to the stunningly revolutionary multimedia webcomic that inspired my initial concept: ::N.A.W.L.Z.:: (created by some Australian genius who I would really like to meet one day)

More info later! Maybe even some stupid cartoons soonish, for those of you who don’t particularly care about my hopes and dreams. Bleeeegghhh haha.

I seriously haven’t already abandoned this whole cartoon journal resolution thing– it’s just that my whole household is in the process of moving, so scanning is tricky. I’ve got a bunch of new ones though! Will upload soon, super swear.

So, now you know what I did on Monday. Better or worse?

Now, imagine this: they are not only drunk with power (like totally you’re-not-coming-back-from-this style hammered) but also armed with really huge guns. And you can just let your imagination run wild interpreting the scope of what “really huge” could mean in this context. Seriously. Not even Arnold-fucking-Schwarzenegger has wielded guns this big.

Super Bonus? Space-flight capabilities.

What wacky shenanigans could possibly ensue?

… Well, there’s the obvious: they could totally shoot right up into that universe bitch and blow shit up!

Starting with the moon! Bang! You know, nobody ever trusted that sneaky bastard anyway, hurtling through the void all carefree, not ever once contributing to society.

And also, you know… maybe there’s water? Under possible ice?

Whatever man, LASER MISSILES PEW PEW PEW!!!!

… And then a handful of grown-ass-men, still cherishing the dreams of a neglected six year old, will come home to their families. They’ll return not as mere ex-Air Force scientists – no, not as mortal men, but as heroes! Heroes, each and every one, to be admired and adored! Decorated heroes who risked their lives for the sake of mankind; nay, more than mankind: for America itself!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my impression of the space program. Does anyone ever grow up? Also – and much more importantly – will this affect my period?

Yeah, yeah, everyone’s been posting about NASA going crazy for ages now, and if I wasn’t such unrepentant shit at “blogging” or whatever, I’m sure I would have too. And probably with pictures, and links, and even some helpful suggestions about how to best view the explosion from your particular region- because yes, it will be visible from earth, as evil moon guts will be splattered six (holycrap!) miles into the (totally askin’ for it) ether!

And yeah, maybe I’ve been drinking a little bit, but seriously. I’m freaked out about this whole “bombing the moon” thing. Proper freaked out, to the point of nonsensical rambling. Still, you’ve got to admit… it would just be so unequivocally badass if it actually led to really-and-truly-yes-please-finally space colonization. Yeah! Space! Am I right? I mean, let’s be real. I don’t even care about periods, or sea monsters! Not anymore! SPACE! C’mon, think about it! SPAAAAAACE!!

See you later, idiot world. Preferably from a considerable distance.

“In the early 1980s, Yurick published a quite prescient and imaginative short story that considered how the use of a virtual, entirely imaginary island nation combined with advanced computer networking might be used to suck tremendous wealth from, and wreak havoc on, the global banking system. Appearing in Datamation, a then-leading trade magazine focused on enterprise computing, “The King of Maleputa” (translation: bad whore) predates by at least 15 years Neal Stephenson’s better-known novel, Cryptonomicon (1999) and its imaginary island nation, Kinakuta, which has been set up for use in anonymous, computer-based banking activities. Yurick’s island “exists” only as bogus entries in various banking and geographic databases; when searched for in these databases, the island appears to exist in many dimensions, including map coordinates and convincing satellite photos, but it is entirely virtual – a figment of digital imagination. Elsewhere, criminals use satellite dishes to hack into the global banking system and divert money to the imaginary island and then, into their own pockets.”

!!!!!

Thanks again, Wikipedia. I love you.

But anyway. One of the more bourgeois  side effects has been the appropriation of the Mayan 2012 prophecies by US pop culture, propagated almost exclusively by pretentious morons who have no idea what they’re talking about. The entirely typical result: the 2012 armageddon meme, its relationship to the actual Maya obscured beyond recognition faster than you can say “Che Guevara”.

Silver lining: THIS AMAZING BOOK. the Mayan Elders’ Council has responded, finally compiling and publishing a (much abridged) portion of the knowledge they’ve guarded for millennia. “But,” you may argue, “tons of that stuff has been available for ages!” Well, not like this it hasn’t. The book came out on June 30th, though I am ashamedly just now reading it. It’s been in the works for years, though- ever since the Council charged Carlos Barrios with a simple but delicate mission: to tell the rest of the world the truth about Mayan prophecy, because it concerns the whole universe and not the Maya alone. Barrios himself is an incredible mind and a more than eloquent writer. He is a historian, an anthropologist, a native Guatemalan shaman (called an Ajq’ij, or spiritual guide) who has been studying the tradition for over 25 years, and a member of the Mayan Elders’ Council himself.

Seriously. This might be the most mind-blowing work I’ve ever read, and I had naïvely fancied myself familiar with the subject matter. Turns out, I was just another pretentious moron. I can deal with that, it’s a realization that hits me with almost comforting regularity, though somehow I’m always surprised. I’ll be doing lots of follow-ups posts, odds are. The information and the way it’s presented bounces around my inadequate brain, making connections with fucking everything. I’ll make more sense when I’m not so giddy, but for now I just wanted to get the word out for anyone interested who didn’t get the memo.

The Maya made the world a present thousands of years ago, but now they’ve been kind enough to tell us what it is and how to use it.

The Book of Destiny: Unlocking the Secrets of the Ancient Mayans and the Prophecy of 2012, by Carlos Barrios